Proper Assertiveness Is A Powerful Peace Keeper
Assertiveness, not aggression is a very powerful communication skill for most any relationship. Many think they hear the meaning of aggression when they hear the word assertive. They are not at all the same.
Here is aggression defined:
hostile or violent behavior or attitudes toward another; readiness to attack or confront.
i.e., “his chin was jutting with aggression”
synonyms: hostility, aggressiveness, belligerence, bellicosity, antagonism, , combativeness, militancy, warmongering, warlikeness, hawkishness, force, violence, attack, assault, encroachment, offense, invasion, infringement
*Notice that the antonym (opposite) for aggression is “meekness”
Here’s the definition of assertiveness from Wikipedia:
Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive.
Psychology Today describes assertiveness….
Demonstrating assertiveness means there’s no question where you stand, no matter the topic. Cognitively, to be assertive implies a lack of anxious thoughts in light of stress. Behaviorally, assertiveness is all about asking for what you want in a manner that respects others. Assertiveness | Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/assertiveness
The article also states, “In the field of psychology and psychotherapy, it is a learnable skill and mode of communication”.
Many of us don’t realize, that in trying to keep peace in our relationships we leave things unsaid due to fears. We are afraid we will hurt someone’s feelings, or we are afraid that they will get mad or we are afraid that it will come out harsh, etc.
Assertiveness, unlike aggressiveness, is empowering to the relationship.
I personally found learning assertive communication skills as quite empowering and it has helped me to be honest without fear of offending the other person or making them angry, etc.
With just a few simple tips and a little bit of practice you could have these skills also.
I can vouch for the legitimacy of assertive communicative skills learning….
Case in point; My husband and I have both been people who were afraid to hurt the other ones feelings and/ or make the other one mad and therefore we would say nothing about what we were feeling or when we were angry or confused, etc..
I remember being flooded with fear when I felt that I had to talk with him about something.
Consequently, both of us would hold things in and lock them inside, but of course, sooner or later it has to come out. When it finally came out, it came out aggressively and /or became a rather traumatic experience for us. (I say traumatic because we weren’t accustomed to arguing or fighting, so it felt quite serious).
After I pursued learning assertiveness skills from my life coach I felt such freedom!
I found that once I knew how to say what I want to say and make it clear, it was no longer frightening to say. Also, when you use the skills it brings out an honest and clear statement.
*Side note: This can be a very good skill for someone who deals with a narcissistic personality. Some of them can be intimidating people and unconsciously use that to keep people at-bay so AS NOT TO BE confronted or make them look at themselves very closely.
When you use this way of communicating, you naturally state what you want to say clearly, without fear and it naturally sets boundaries that need to be set. It feels almost magical sometimes!
This is very empowering. This way of communicating can foster peace and honesty.
I would be happy to teach you these skills and/or work with you on other relationship issues. Please contact me on my website or FB. https:///empatheticear.com
**I would be delighted to hear all of your comments as I’m sure others would also.
*** I am planning a women’s group. I think we will call ourselves GEMS.
Girls Experiencing More Support. Please give me some love and feedback. LOVE TO YOU! 🙂